It's been a melancholy day as I rushed around signing the final papers on the sale of the back 30 acres of Lost River Farms. It has been on a lease option for the past 4 years, but will convert to a deed and note tomorrow. So, I bid a final good bye to the place I loved with all my heart. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that place for 13 years, taking a decrepit, run down dairy farm and turning it into a showplace. My husband, Alan's, ashes are strewn here. Before I left I took a walk with him, talking about things. Memories. Accomplishments.
I don't know if I will ever be able to go back. The pain is too great. But I could not go forward with my life there for many many reasons.
Now, when I go back and look at pictures, I am not sad, but proud.
So I continue with my withdrawal. Yuck. Yesterday I was exhausted beyond my own recognition. And I cried at everything. I must be better today, since I accomplished a lot and dealt with plenty of frustrations, including dealing with the Apple Store. They were less than helpful.
I had to buy some new, baggy clothes since the edema has me so swollen, I feel like a balloon. I wish I could prick myself with a pin and it would all drain away.
So, it's time for bed, and hoping to be so much better in the morning.