Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Clock is Ticking

Things are moving right along on the sale of the farm.  The hardest part is the cleanup.  There is junk and more junk that has sat here for over 60 years.  That junk needs to be hauled away, and looks like the chore is mine, all mine.
As far as packing up my own things, I've done quite well.  I am saying good bye to all the stuff I have not used in a year, or that is Country related.  The Farmgirl has left the building, and the only memorabilia I am taking with me is the farm sign, which I will hang on my back porch, and the show banner I used at all of the Alpaca Events we attended.
At this rate, it looks like it will all fit into a U-Haul truck, and my boys and the neighbors will all help with that job.  I'm aiming for December 8th.
I also found about 5 quilt tops I had made back in the quilting days prior to Alan's death.  I haven't had time for any of that since then.  I knew I would not finish them, so I gave them to my church.  Two times a year, the ladies get together and make small quilts for the children who go to the local women's shelter with their moms.  Most of them have been abused and are in crises.   As they arrive, they are each given a quilt.  These quilts are all worked on by many women.  Some buy the fabric, some cut.  Others sew the pieces together, others iron the seams.  More do the quilting, and then finally the binding.  The quilts were dedicated last Sunday, and I am proud and honored to say that 4 of mine are now in the hands of some children who need a bright place in their lives.
I will be homeless for awhile and living in my brother's basement.  I have put an offer on a cute little condo in Seattle, at the base of Magnolia, and right across the ship canal from my kids and Cadel!  Wonderful walking zone.  I am going to become the Walking Queen.
The condo is a short sale, and is in quite a state.  The former owners seemed to be "Big Ship" afficianados, and attempted to decorate their living room to resemble the Captains Quarters on the Bounty.  They put in a false ceiling that is sagging and about to fall, resurfaced the houseing of the fireplace, and put in these god awful moldings all over.  These things will have to be dealt with immediately after I take possession, IF I actually get it.
Funny how a SHORT sale talks so long.  It's called a short sale because the sellers are short funds to pay off their bank.  The bank takes offers and decides which one they will lose the least amount of money on.  Well, I don't think they will have to think on this one too long.  I am paying cash, I'm the only offer they have had, and they are accruing costs evey day they keep this on their inventory.
One of the best things about this condo is that it has a HUGE back deck, as big as one of the bedrooms.  It only gets morning light, but I can have a nice shade garden out there with plenty of fushias and begonias.  But, I wont have to mow a lawn!!!
I've also got an application in to work at my favorite funky clothing store on a part time, flexible schedule.
Then, my big goal is to be in the Weekly Freemont Street Fair.  I've been told by several vendors there that my yarns will do really well.  No one has anything like it there.  I'm really looking forward to that.
As for Thanksgiving, I'm heading down on Monday to spend another week with my brother.  My allergies to mold just begin to subside as I am ready to return here, but I just can't stay here long, since I get so sick.  My boys and I will be celebrating Thanksgiving on Friday at a Natural, Vegetarian Restaurant.  I'm really looking forward to some great quality time with all my boys and Adrienne.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


This is going to be a very difficult post.  Most of you know that I started this blog as a journal to chart and keep track of the many happenings on my farm while being an alpaca breeder.  That was often very entertaining, and I rarely lacked in subject matter to write about.  But, with the death of my husband, my whole world turned upside down, and these last two years have been extremely difficult for me.  My cousin Carolyn knows that when I have not blogged for awhile, I am having hard times.  My Mother was the same way.  She always knew that if they had not received at least one letter a week from me while I was in college, it was time for her to bite the bullet and pay for a long distance call to check in on me.  It is hard to write when you are not feeling "up".
Many of you have commented on my strength and upbeat attitude during times of adversity, and I guess I acknowledge that to a certain extent.  The truth is it has been a long, torturous journey for me.  I go to bed crying, and I often wake up crying.  Fortunately, I have some of the most amazing friends a person could ever hope for.  On top of that is my brother who has been my rock
Staying in Nooksack, on the farm, has been a love/hate relationship.  There are so many memories here, yet I feel as if there is this oppressive giant thumb holding me down, preventing me from getting on with my life.  To complicate matters, I am still unable to drive on the freeways without having a panic attack.  I don't know if that is because my brain is still adjusting to the eye surgery and the shock of having two eyes in perfect alignment, or if I have caused a habitual fear based on the difficulties I had prior to having my vision corrected surgically. This has limited my independence and my ability to get away to visit my kids and friends on a regular basis.  Living out here in Nooksack, I am really quite isolated, and with the onset of Standard time with the darkness coning earlier, I realize how much I hate the winters here.
A year ago, I wanted to sell the farm and move back home to Seattle, but a conflict with a relative prevented me from doing so.  I tried my hardest to make it work, but I was working my tail off and my health was in jeopardy.  After months of doctor's visits, tests and trips to the emergency room, the discovery that I'm suffering from a mold allergy is such a relief.  I had gotten so tired of hearing "Linda, we don't know what is wrong with you".
That was the final straw that set me in action.  I've been through a "process", coming to the decision to move, and even my closest friends are finding it hard to believe I will be leaving them.
I have been at my brother's, housesitting while he and his wife are on vacation, and today I went looking at condominiums.  These are distressed properties, either short sales or forelosures.  I went with the Realtor, and told her up front that I didn't think I would be buying, but wouldn't you know I found a place I just love, and in the neighborhood I was hoping for.
It is going to be another process, and being a short sale, it will take time.  But, I'm being hopeful.
Can you imagine me living in a condominium?  No yard, no flower garden?  No lawnmowers to fight with.  Who ever said I had to be a lawnmower mechanic?  Or plumber, or gutter cleaner, or ditch digger.  Oh, I could go on and on.  Of course, you probably read my list.
The second anniversary of my husband's death is coming up on Dec. 21, and I hope to be living termporarily in my brother's basement by then.
But here is some wisdom for everyone.  Treasure your spouse, your better half..  Watch out for their health as seriously as you look out for your own.  
Have you ever been in a room full of people who love you, and feel completely alone?  I miss being able to look across the room to catch the eye of my man.  With just that simple look, an entire history passes between you, and no words are necessary.  You both know and feel it in your heart.
As exciting as the changes are coming my way, this is going to be a hard time for me
I'm looking forward to a new year and a new life..